ok, his actual name is albus mcweenie. and he is adorable.
problem is, i can't take him out in public without being mobbed by people. when i first got him, i was ok with it because it was all new and people seemed to know their boundaries. now, people want to have conversations with me. or worse, him.
i'm ok with kids coming up and playing with him. it makes sense. i can usually pretend to know what kids are talking about long enough for their parents to drag them away. most adults seem to pick up on the fact that i'm horrible at small talk and manage to pull themselves away.
then there are those other people. the ones who i can only assume have no regular human contact because they insist on dragging me through their not-at-all interesting anecdotes about their dogs. i'm willing to listen to people's stories about their dachshunds, because i'm a first time dog owner. they may have something important to share that's breed specific.
i, however, cannot hold a conversation with someone who insists on telling me about their greyhounds, german shepherds, or st. bernards. yes, your dog is 100x bigger than mine, but mine is also smarter than yours. and poops less. and can sit on my lap. yes, i'm sure it is quite different owning a big dog than it is owning a mini-dachshund. like i said: less poop, more cuddles. i don't want to hear about whatever you story you have about when your dog was a puppy, although i'm sure it was fascinating that your dog was 200 lbs at 6 months. i don't care. the worst part is these people don't notice that i'm trying to leave. i'll even say "let's go potty" to my dog and they'll still try to talk to me. some have even followed me, oblivious to the fact that i'm hoping my dog lays a fat turd on the ground so that i have an excuse to ignore them.
then there are the people who talk to him. i imagine they also talk to babies. "you're a pretty boy aren't you?" "oh i bet you're a good dog for your mommy." "i can tell you're a spoiled puppy" what do you do in this situation? at first, i was stupid and replied with "say thank you, albie" then i realized HE'S A FUCKING DOG AND CAN'T TALK. so now i've resorted to "yes, he is pretty. that's why i chose him and not his brother" because, i didn't birth this dog. i can't be like a parent and say "aw thank you" because people are complimenting your genes when they about your child. but when you're like me and your child has 4 legs and tons of hair, you can't really accept responsibility. i get weird looks when i respond that way, but it's either that way or mumbling incoherent syllables and shuffling awkwardly away. i figure the blunt route is less rude. and more my style.
i would like to know what goes through these people's heads though. like, do they realize that they sound crazy? more importantly, do they realize that they probably are crazy? and then i feel really bad for them because their only conversation of the day was either with me or my dog. one of us hates people and the other can't talk. i honestly feel more bad if they talk to me instead of albus. at least he'll give kisses.
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