epic fail = me

so...i got a dui tonight. and the whole time the police officer if questioning me, i'm just smiling because, fuck, i knew this was coming. i knew my luck would only last so long, and i've been driving while intoxicated for a while......i expected this,

but holy shit, i was not expecting to let down everyone i know. my sister made me feel like complete shit. like "oh my god, i'm trying to drown myself in the bathtub" shit. i dunno....something about feeling like i had let her down was something i couldn't bear to feel. i always knew i wasn't the model daughter, but i tried to be every now and again. and i aways put my sister before anything else.

and here i am. the feelings are not returned. wow does this suck. this tears me to my core. that i have embarassed my family and made my sister ashamed of me. i took 5 aleve, still can't sleep. i asked my uncle larry for help. to no avail. i do hope he's looking out for me. if not, i don't know what to do. hahaha it never ceases to amaze me at how much i hate feeling feelings. even now. i fucking hate it. i wish i could just go through life, feeling lukewarm about everything.

but no, feelings are human, and i'm unfortunately, human. i will fix that one day