lovrub

so, i'm watching comedy central tonight. its pretty standard for me to have it on if i don't go out on saturdays cause cartoon network is full of that stupid anime bullshit. the program goes to commercial, i tune out. then, out of the corner of my eye, i see some legs with candy cane garters on. i think "this is interesting, i shall see what this is for" i see the website "lovrub.com" in the corner. "oh ok...its probably for lingerie" well, clearly...i am a moron. because it's for lube. not just any lube, mind you. it's "love in a tube" that is "clinically proven to enhance your love life"

now, i ask you....what has this world come to that scientists or doctors....or someone with a college education, are studying the effect of lube on sex? couldn't they be better used studying the effects of cancer prevention pills? or studying why fat people love to eat? anything that would be slightly more beneficial to society than making a product that claims you and the spouse you resent so much will be able to have a better love life.

i'm gonna let you in on a little secret: a lube is not going to enhance ur love life. it will allow you to bang for longer, but not better. being good at banging is what will make your sex life better. watching porn and mentally taking notes will make you better at banging. exchanging stories with friends will make you better at banging. shit just talking to your partner will make you better at banging. a lube cannot, and will not ever, do that. all it will do is increase the chances of slippage and leave a sticky smelly mess behind. and that, my friends, is the opposite of sexy. it's just gross.

another mind-boggling thing i saw on comedy central tonight: a commercial for guys gone wild. i wanted to cry.