thanksgiving

my ten year old cousin was on all fours willingly being humped by his brother's dog while the rest of us were eating. best. thanksgiving. ever.

a rare (and by rare i mean i've never done this before) entertainment blog

so i watched the trl finale tonight. i spent my teenage years watching it, and my post secondary years making fun of it....so i felt i had to. fall out boy performed. now, prepare yourself for this, but i have to this loud and clear.

I AM A HUGE FAN OF FALL OUT BOY.

*whew* that feels better. admitting is the first step to recovery, right?

first off, i'll list all of the reasons i shouldn't like them.

-i was one of their original fans. i loooved them back in 03 when take this to your grave came out. i thought it was catchy and original and a very nichole-friendly pop-emo cd. the lyrics were intense, but you didn't wanna slice your wrists open, a la bright eyes. (not making fun of bright eyes) anyway, it's an unwritten rule that once a band "sells out" (read: actually makes money) that their original fans can no longer like them and they have to hate on the new fans.

-i'll be 23 in a month. i don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that 90% of their fans are in high school. i'm dangerously close to becoming the old weird chick.

but i can't help it....i love them. i tried to act like i didn't. i poo-poo'ed the new fans (i still do, btw). i pretended that pete annoyed me more than he did. (he does annoy me, just not that much) i rolled my eyes every time they came on the radio or trl, while conspicuously not changing the station. i saw them live, literally days before they blew up. i feigned disgust and a sense of betrayal, while actually feeling superior to everyone who thought they were new. try as i might, i couldn't deny my love for them.

the fact is, they're a great band. their live show is full of energy and everyone was into it. no one looked at me weird as i shoved my way into the "pit" of mainly 17 year olds. it was heavenly when they threw water on the grateful crowd. granted, pete talked a little too much and that was when my love/hate affair with him started...but the quality of the set outranked his arrogance.

while i don't feel the other cd's live up to tttyg's awesomeness, i still thoroughly enjoyed every minute of them. i never have to be in the mood for their music. i can put any of their songs on and instantly rock out. there aren't many artists that i can say that about. and i'll be damned if pete wentz isn't one of the greatest song writers to ever live. he may annoy the shit out of me, but he knows how to write songs.

my only real problem with them is the teenage fans. they look at me funny when i push my way to the front. they get an incredulous look on their face that says "hey, bitch...i got here way before the doors opened to secure this spot for me and my girlfriend. you don't get to waltz up here and take it away." to which, i have no choice but to laugh. because i got there after the opening acts because i was not standing in the cold for 2 hours, to only have to stand in a sweaty mess of people for about 3-4 hours. that's really true about any show i go to though, so i guess i'll have to deal with it.

i'm ok with being the creepy elderly chick at the show. i'm supporting a band that i love and have loved for the past 5 years now. all i ask is that you don't look at me funny when you have to get in the car with your dad. thanks!

i know what boys like, i know what guys want

....except that i don't. at all. i've spent my entire life meticulously crafting my personality....one that all those teenage magazines said boys would adore. "don't be too boy crazy" "don't wait by the phone" "desperation is a terrible perfume" well guess what? those damn magazines were wrong! if you're a teenage girl reading this....don't listen to the magazines. because all of those girls that i made fun of in high school who were like this.....are all happily married. or engaged. or have long term boyfriends. me? nada. all i do is go around and bang whomever i want, leave before falling asleep and never call them on the pretense that "i don't want a relationship" the only thing is, i do. i want one. i'm tired of being lonely. and my standards are so ludicrously high, that they can never be met. coupled with the fact that i've never ever flirted, only ever said "bang me" as my pick up line and i am completely 100% fucked. my friend (a male) told me that guys want a girl who is cute and charming and fun. i am none of those things!!! i am spastic, loud, obnoxious, completely ungraceful and entirely awkward!

compare that with little miss-fake-tits-huge-smile-hair-flip.......i dont stand a fucking chance. i was always taught to be myself. not to play games or any of that bullshit. turns out, no, you're supposed to play games. they like that. so then it goes back to my high standards because i don't have the time or patience for anyone who likes to play cat and mouse.

so who wants to help me pick out my cats, for when i officially become crazy cat lady? any takers???

i'm not in love, this is not your song

i was doing my usual rounds of facebook stalking, only to find out that the first guy to ever feel me up is now engaged and his fiancee is 7 months pregnant.

that is a straight shot to my proverbial nuts in regards to how much i'm not doing with my life. "hey, first feeler of my boobs....what've you been up to?" "oh nothing....just making a new being, starting an awesome new life blah blah blah. what've you been doing?" "i uhh...slept with a herion addict recently? his dog really liked me, so that was cool" seriously, nothing puts my life into more perspective than hearing about all these people i went to high school (and in some cases, elementary school) with, getting married and playing house. only for real.

this one really irks me because i feel completely jipped by the powers-that-be. don't get me wrong, this kid is a great guy and deserves all the happiness he can get....but for real? those were my boobs! i did all the work growing them. i should be getting married first, right?

which brings me to the next point in my feeling like crap cycle that this news always brings. why the fuck do i care? i'm all about being independent (as i freeload off my parents) and i totally can't see myself settling down right now and essentially think it's rather dumb to do so at my age. (going on 23, for those of you keeping track) but i've paid my dues......i've attracted all the crazy guys, so the normal ones have a clear path to the rest of you chicks out there. i'm not even asking for someone to be a lifetime partner! just someone i can bang on a regular basis and not feel weird talking to them outside of the bed. so...a step above a booty call and half a step down from a relationship? commitment scares the shit out of me still, but it would be nice to have someone to joke around with.

you know what...there's no real need for panic. there's an anomaly. apparently nearly everyone i went to high school with was enamored with the "young family" idea. i was the only one awake when they taught what the definition of "forever" was. you're damn right i choked too. in elementary school. so they're the crazy ones. i have nothing to worry about. until i start inexplicably collecting cats.....

3/4/08

a woman with edge

that's what i was called today by a coworker. it made me giggle. i was in a cranky mood when i went to the station, and on the way out i was sort of explaining away my behavior because i worked all day, but i was usually abrasive anyway because i just dont care. so the coworked proceeded to tell me that he likes to think of me as "a woman with edge" which brings me to my point.

ATTENTION ALL MALES: STOP TELLING ME HOW I'M "SO DIFFERENT" FROM OTHER GIRLS.

i know this already. you will not get in my pants by telling me me how awesome i am and completely unlike anyone you've met before. yeah i know, now please get out of my face because you're just annoying me now..
and i don't even think that i'm so extremely different either. i'm just honest, upfront and don't play games. which in all honesty, makes me saner than other girls.

speaking of girls.....i'm currently addicted to bumper stickers on facebook. and i keep coming across this one that says "pretty girls turn heads. my girls break necks" oh my god, i hope that neck you're breaking is your own because that is the most unneccessarily vain contrivance to make yourself feel better about the fact that guys don't hit on you until their beer goggles are firmly in place. seriously. i hate you. please move to an island with other girls like you so you can think up retarded sayings to your hearts content without infecting the rest of the population. and so we don't have to look at your backne because you chose to wear a tube top in february.

yes, i think that covers everything i've been pissed about lately. go team.

10/10/06

mindless reflections that really have no bearing on anything

so i've had a lot of time on my hands lately to think. not the crazy thinking i usually do, but more productive thinking. and it occured to me how sad it is when a relationship falls apart. (again, all types of relationships under the relationship umbrella) even if the relationship wasn't/isn't exactly the best for either party, it's still something to be mourned when you can pinpoint the exact moment in time that everything crumbled. then you're left in that crazy gray area where you're not quite sure what to do with yourself. you know that any attempt to ressuscitate said relationship would be futile but you also know that you're not ready to give up on it yet. you may be one step away from moving on, but you're still surrounded in gray. and all you can do is wait. you do whatever you can to pass the time.....twiddle your thumbs...masturbate...smoke....anything until that day arrives where you wake up and feel it in your body that you are finally out of the gray. the feeling won't last long, but you'll always have the knowledge that you know what being at peace with what happened feels like. then you'll yawn and stretch and scratch and face the day with new eyes.

5/14/06

roses are red, violets are blue?

another semi-sleepless night has led me to this revelation....why the fuck does that poem say that violets are blue?!?!!? violet is described as a purpley color and while purple is in the same family as blue, no one describes purple as a version of blue. so why the hell are violets blue?! it should be more like

roses are red.

violets are....well violet.

sugar is sweet

and you're kinda violent

ok so it's not an exact rhyme, but it's certainly better than the outright lie of violets being blue. i blame the communists.

4/26/06

random grievances i feel need to be shared

i'll never be the girl who pats you on the back and says "there, there. you did everything right. as always" if you've had a bad day. now, if it really is a case of things not going your way, then i'll be there to make you laugh and hate the world right along with you. but if you fucked up, i will tell you point blank. and i expect my friends to do the same for me.

lately it seems that some people have started to believe that they have somehow "earned" special treatment from me. i treat everyone the same and don't sugarcoat anything. granted that's partly because i'm too lazy to do so, but still. don't think, for one second, that just because you may know a lot about me, and vice versa, that it entitles you to not be called out on your shit by me.

i don't play games with anyone. i hate them. with a passion.

i'm getting kinda tired of being called a guy just because i'm aggessive and open when it comes to sex. i'm not a dude. i have tits and a vagina. and many of you have seen both on drunken nights. so um....stop calling me a guy.

nor am i a lesbian. we all know i love penis way too much for that.

2/28/06

so last night, as i was laying in bed, my random thoughts somehow came to the word uncanny. and i began to wonder how this word came into being. dictionary.com defines uncanny as

1. Peculiarly unsettling, as if of supernatural origin or nature; eerie.
2. So keen and perceptive as to seem preternatural.

however, it's not the definition that bothers me. its the actual word. who was sitting around and trying to find a word to explain how odd it was that two people looked so similiar?? and were they next to an actual can at the time? was it something like "wow, you two look awfully alike for not being related...(sees can) well, you surely don't look like cans, so your resemblance to each other, is in fact, very UNcanny." and if that's the case, anything can be uncanny, right? like this computer....very uncanny. there's nothing canny about it at all. its very boxy. now would that make cans unboxy? maybe i'll start telling people who look like someone else, that their appearance is very unboxy. i mean, it makes just as much sense as uncanny, doesnt it?? which, of course, is none.

i just wish i could've been there when the word uncanny was invented. maybe to shine some light on this mystery for me. but mainly just to slap them and be like "you have just created the most useless word in the english language. there is absolutely no connection between what you're trying to get at and what 'can' means. good day sir. i said good day!"

*le sigh*

my pointless ranting is done for the day.